i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
