so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
