I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
