I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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