Whod you bang
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
