Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
