There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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