Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
