Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
