So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
