She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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