I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I met the friendliest cop last night
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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