I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
