Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
