omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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