He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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