Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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