do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
