come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
