I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
