HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
