I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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