I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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