I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
