We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
