just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
