hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The beer is more important than you right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
