im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
