let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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