Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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