Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
