i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
