"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
