So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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