she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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