I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
