hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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