My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
