Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
