Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
