Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
