I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I pour the whiskey from now on
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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