how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
