it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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