Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
