I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
