dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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