I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
