eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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