that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
