Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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