I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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