I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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