I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
